Because I trust myself and I also trust you~

This is how everything started.......

"Ini Grace ka? ur fren intro me to you? I'm Alan, nice to meet u~ XD"
"I'm sorry, who's Grace? I think you got the wrong person cuz there's no grace here"
"are you intro by my fren that Grace? well, good morning ms Grace, I'm intro by ur fren tat Alan. may I knw how r u today?"

"lol. yuan lai you work in VIP room one. ok, I order them register me that room~ XD"
"I'm not working there, I stayed there! ba ngam la, I got a queen size double bed there. ask them tambah barang for another roomate then u can move in d"

First date? or first PUMP together?

"OMG so many people there. I hide far far tu cuz too many pros"
"haha. no need hide. coz the machine change position d, so play also no one see, except me.haha"

"ur ghost disturbing you ar? cham lo"
"he keep on call me non stop eh....help me!!!!!!"
"lol~ how to help u? he is an annoyer! have girlfren d stil wanna disturb other girls. Just ignore him."

"u think wat u wan eat d?"
"dunno wan eat wat o, cuz I eat depends on my mood geh. and I am choosy in food =="
"lol. not see eat wit who meh? haha~ XD fast think ba, i'm coming"

Feelings started to emerge and pour out bits by bits.....

"so early back, not yet date you hang gai tu~ XD"
"I no car back ma, so need follo dad lo, meh early back loo"
"haha. jus now have shock u o not?"
"shock me wat?"
"jus now I said chase u ar. I'm shocked with you tiam. u said hao ar, shocked me ;P"
"haha, I wont shocked de la. cuz I always noty n playful de la.....say wat also not serious de"
"if real? u run liao?"

"wat u thinking? yesterday u lo.........."
"me wat?"
"u.....argh! really wan me say?"
"you don say I wont knw?"
"u ba.........make me.......make me.......make me........yesterday so early back.....make me miss u only"
"ya lar tu.....I don believe"
"OMG u don believe me, that's y I keep sms u"

"I don wan so early, but if come d how?"
"come liao then let it come lo?"
"but someone no respond le, very teruk if me only"

"It's not that I don't wanna start a new relationship, but I wondered myself if I have really forgotten everything and put down my previous relationship yet. Cuz sometimes I still wake up with tears in my eyes after dreamed bout him. My heart doesn felt like accepting a new relationship so soon as well as I am scared of the heart broken thing~ It's my stupid heart problem, I just don't understand why I still care and think of him after all this while....felt so helpless and pathetic"
"Man man lai ba, have to open mind one, mine very terrible liao, she meet my mum, but finally wat can I do? try to release it. that time I'm very sad, I ask her out for the last time to the seaside. I try to save everything cuz wat she told me was no more feel, instead she had a new bf there. she was holding firm to her decision, so I have to put down, I was thinking to walk kk around, but I didn't coz I pumped the whole nite. I ever heard fly say when she no mood, she will go to pump. so I try it too, abit work for me, but tat day lucky my fren accompany me..."

Our first movie - OLD DOGS.....

"I will go hunt you! XD"
"I will hide and you wont know where I am~ XD"
"you believe this world very small? should say KK very small~ XD"
"ya wor~ I believe~ No matter where I went sure will met someone familiar"
"example - me XD"
"You remembered we always saw each other in CP de mer?"
"Ya I remembered~ since last time you love to play [love is a danger zone] you know wat is my favourite?"

"how are you going there?"
"to tuition? my dad send?"
"you? not coming centre?"
"got class?"
"u said u come geh?"
"no? haha see you in 15 minutes~ XD"
"zzz. Take lunch together?"

My only wish is to see you everyday....

"I wan be the different one ma. ada discount ka? ah hahaha~"
"No discount or what so ever, no such things as bargain ar~"
"nvm ba, I'm not worry bout have o not. I jus look and keep wat I promise"

"That day ngam ngam no class, I terus go town find u pump eh"
"Wa,I meh lucky? Then this week le? maybe unfortunate?"
"This week already let you come my office accompany me eat lunch, then accompany me pay bill lagi, ngam lo~ ganti balik the weekends liao lo"
"Aiks, mana cukup? wan breakfast lunch teabreak dinner supper with you everyday, haha~"
"LOL~ then you move here to my house lo"
"good idea, but afraid my luggage together with me til ur home, ur parents holding broom waiting for me T.T"

"Tu la, take care of yourself ma, u wan someone help u take care of u ar?"
"haha~ I'm just like a big baby who only knows how to play"
"don jus knw play, need take care of ur health la. later someone keep worry tu"
"who is this someone o?"
"ya someone else, u knw i knw la. haha XD"
"I dunno wor, need you tell me leh"
"then you rather don knw ba, let that someone worry u"
"ok ba, then I play even more, sengaja let that someone worry me kao kao. XD"
"someone treat you like that you wan treat yourself like that meh. drink more water k, let the heat drained out from your body"

Please~ I am scared I might.....

"don't treat me so good"
"why"
"don't put so much hope on me, I am not worth for you to do so"
"I trust myself"
"I don trust myself, I trust no one. I don have any trust nor confidence at all"
"don worry you got me"
"I just don wanna let u dissapointed in the end"
"I wont give up so easily and it's impossible for me to give up before even trying"
"why me? i don't get it. why are you always so confident?"
"my answer will still be the same. Because I trust myself and I choose to trust you"

"sob sob, i just don understand them"
"don cry don cry, your prince charming is here"
"my prince charming is everywhere but not even one is here"
"sad"
"why sad"
"cuz every guy also your prince charming"
"I have many prince charming but I only have one lao gong zai"
"got people don wan recognize lor"
"sad ler, quarrel with parents again for one simple little thing"
"remember! tomoro will be more better. let the sad go with ur shadow, we must look forward because happy is coming"

"So how was your consideration?"
"what consideration?"
"to become my girlfriend?"
"someone told me he willing to wait?"
"how long could that be?a year?"
"yea?"
"sigh"

Flirt? Seriously? drama? or for real?

"copy right fee! =.="
"you teached de ma, no need pay de lar. if need me pay ar, then u need promise not to pay for my everything wor, including food, drinks, movies, bus fares, tokens and everything else...."
"cannot promise o, even promise also no use. need sign contract. hahahahahahahahahaha"
"what contract?"
"lao gong contract~haha XD"
"swt, where can sign that de! after sign liao u meh spend more than this =.="

"no! no! no! that job not you do de! you have other job in mind"
"what is tht?"
"accompany me la, be my lao po zai la, play with me la, date with me la, eat with me la, spending every moment with me la, no time for you to be camera gal de. XD"

"Don worry, let you knw my secret weapon! XD"
"what secret weapon?"
"Wait til it can be used then you will know. wahahahahahahaha XD"
"Aiks, you wan give me heart attack ar. I am in danger now"
"Don worry, you are safe now, you say 9 months ma......after that......hahahahahahahahahaha"
"wat 9 months o.....pregnant meh?where got discount such things de. no bargain one"
"kejap ada discount kejap pura pura lupa sana, jangan paksa sia guna senjata rahsia ku~ wahahahahahahahahahahahahaha"

Do you like surprises?

"where you hide o?"
"I go down a while"
"yer~ wan make me miss you only"
"got so many pumpers there ar.....you wont miss me de lar"
"who ask me started to miss you already if i didn saw u here"
"you pandai miss me de mer"
"ya. that's why u saw me macam wan fall down and cant concentrate when I saw u near~XD"

"what pura pura o, cannot jia jia one, only can zhen zhen o jia lun"
"I hide from you then you knw o"
"don hide me ba, I wan stick wit you everyday you wan hide me lagi"
"Got people give me surprise lor. I scare liao"
"who ask you this bad gal wan make me worry, then I meh give you surprise lo"
"yai yai saja that person"
"who's that, later that people cham"
"alan lo..."
"who is alan lo? alan wong, alan chin, alan tai, alan au i noe la"
"ish~ ask me zhen zhen jia lun then sendiri jia jia there"
"I am jia lun ma, of course pandai jia jia de. you like him kiss u ka?"

Lao gong lao po contract?

"no, lie on bed, wake liao still man man lai."
"wah~ you same with me de o....I queen of lai chuang one~ then already knew will late still man man lai"
"like that baru match to be couple ma"
"ya lo~ next time got two tardy person lo"
"but someone don wan recognize leh"
"Tu la~ must be that someone didn ask properly and not ngam timing one"
"OK, I ask properly seriously clearly confirmly plus confidently! Grace Kam, would you mind to be Alan Au's girlfriend?"
"what happen to the 'I willing to wait one year' thing?"
"dunno, nothing happen"
"ok la~ then i will anggap nothing happen, i didn hear anything"
"yer~ I'm serious u still play play there~ hurt me saja =.="

"Just now morning a bit moody de. sorry if my words macam hurt bao bei ar"
"no lar. no hurt pun. the way I talked also no passed brain de. I am sorry too if my harsh words somehow hurt your feelings ka...."
"haha. din la. I'm stone heart one XD"
"walao, then your heart cannot be stolen de lor?"
"haha. my heart cannot be steal, only can use key to open XD"
"camm, sure very hard to find the key. i don have any either"
"you don have the key cuz you are the key XD"
"wah~ I am the key? then I can simply go and open any hearts lor like that"
"no. the key very useless to others, coz only can open mine"

Remembered I mentioned "Sarah's leng zai and Bridget's semi leng zai" before this? Well, it turns out that they were best frens in PUMP..... Sarah's leng zai was Lee Kuan Yung while Bridget's semi leng zai was Alan Au.....Back then~ I still remembered we always hang around in funsquare just to see them dance.....now, It still got me a hard time to believe that Bridget's semi leng zai has actually become my baby boy~

So, what actually happen to the "I am willing to wait one year" thingy?

30th January 2010, when we were in the bus heading to Centre Point~

"Wear your cap, take your bag, and gimme your hand~ Once I took it, you are mine and I will never let you go"

That's the official moment! XD

"Don't you think that it's a little early?"
"Not for me. one month, nine months, one year or two years is the same~ If you said you need time to know me. I rather said why not give time for us to discover each other together? Give ourselves a chance to trust again. Do not let someone in the past who doesn knw how to cherish us, affect us and lose faith with someone who really cares."

This is the one line that makes my heart melt and give in......hunn~ I choose to trust in you~

~Heart - Breaker~

Why? why do u have to find me again? That's the one question I was thinking when u called.....

He called one Friday night and I thought something happened.....He was here downstairs my house, and it was the first time we met in year 2010......I asked him what was wrong and he said he just wanted to find someone to talk to.....

O-k-a-y..........then I guessed there's nothing serious going on then.....well, we were still frens even if our previous relationship doesn't worked out.....so, okay let's have a brief chat then....all went well at the beginning....but I started to notice some awkward atmosphere not long after that....he started to touch my hair, like he used to....cuz I loved the way he "sayang" my head before this...I acted like normal and continue to chat.....but I found out that we do not have much conversations to talk about....it's only more to asking each other's life and me listening to his stories.....not enough, he still hold my hands....like he thought he can hold it whenever he wants it?? Darn == I just let him did it as I don wanna start up any quarrel now.....I am not even in the mood for anything.....and before I left, he even hugged me and said "I miss your scent"~ P-L-E-A-S-E S-T-O-P D-O-I-N-G T-H-A-T!!!

Maybe he thinks that I really missed him so much, he could do those little things when we were together.....sometimes, I wished I didn went down and see him.....was it a mistake? I thought that conversation was nothing but an ordinary chat between friends? I was surprised when he said he will come and fetch me tomorrow after church finished, just like he used to....I was so puzzled, I asked him why? where to go? he just said he will bring me to a place.....and said no more....not forgetting to ask me to bath early, dry up my hair after bath, and sleep early.....yea yea, you guessed it right...just like he used to before~ =.="

Things are getting weirder and awkwarder on Sunday, after church, the only conversation in the car was "have you eaten?" and "no"~ DURH?! I started to think what is the purpose of asking me out today and not even saying a thing? and he's kinda acting weird I must say....or I should be saying all of this things are taking place today is kinda weird....I wanted to ask him what is actually going on, but he just seems to turn the topic away.....okay, fine~ I don wanna argue anything~ after breakfast at Damai, he brought me to pool since it was STILL EARLY~ @.@

WHERE? WHAT? WHY? WHEN? I saw more and more question marks popping up on my mind.... when it was time, we went to a place near Chiu Thai Seng~ I guessed it was a place of his friend, the people inside were having beauty course which includes skin therapy, skin analyze, skin talk, body therapy and everything....my face changed dramatically when I reached the entrance....he pulled me inside and asked me to fill in the form.....to leave my contacts so that they can find me in the future and pour many crapz thingy on me?! I DON THINK SO!....I cant believe he brought me here....I knew I have toad's skin, but do you have to do this?! I hate it so much, and I specifically hate people who looked at my face and say "I have to right solution for you" I HATE THAT SO MUCH FOR YOUR INFORMATION! IT WILL PISSED ME RIGHT OFF AND YOU DON WANNA SEE THE CONSEQUENCE OF THAT~

I was in my worse mood then, I looked at him straight and said "I don wanna fill in this kind of things, I wanna go out and leave this place, come let's just go KK"~ he doesn looked good on the face himself as well.....his smile dissapear in an instant~ I couldn care what he said after that, gave him back the form and walk out~ he followed as well, and we were back in the car.....I was so pissed already and yet he still said "I am so dissapointed of you, why is it so hard to just fill in the form? it does you no harm"~ FUCK DAMN IT~ JUST WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TO INTERRUPT MY LIFE RIGHT NOW AND ASK ME TO DO THIS AND THAT?! THE LEAST THING WE WERE WAS FRIENDS! I DON NEED YOU TO GUIDE ME OR EVEN ASK ME WHAT I WANNA DO! PLEASE BE CLEAR THAT I AM NOT YOUR GIRL ANYMORE SO STOP WITH THOSE FUCKING INTIMACY ACT! HOW DARE YOU SAID YOU ARE DISSAPOINTED OF ME?! WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TO SAY SO?! MY LIFE IS NOT YOUR BUSINESS ANYMORE SO WHAT IS THE POINT OF DOING EVERY LITTLE THING LIKE THIS NOW?! WHY?!?! IT'S TOTALLY USELESS AND THERE'S ISN A SINGLE POINT OF DOING SO!

I kept myself in silence all the way until KK, he said a few lines of words that I don't even enjoy listening, I was getting pissed and pissed, I knew I was going to burst out shouting and screaming like a biotch anytime~ I closed my eyes and hold me fist tight, trying to calm myself down, the last thing I don wan it to happen is to have a quarrel with him....luckily someone is waiting for me in KK~ he helped to released my anger and ease my tension~ thanks~

YOU WERE THE ONE WHO CHOSE TO END THE RELATIONSHIP, SO STOP TREATING ME LIKE I AM STILL YOURS WHEN EVERYTHING WAS LONG OVER~ DON MAKE ME HATE YOU WHEN ALL I WANNA DO IS TO KEEP THE NICEST MEMORIES STORED~

New Crush for a new year?

New year? =2010

People told me to start everything all over again in this brand new year...a new year a new life a new self a new resolution....hey, it's 2010! especially my love life...I not quite understand how come everyone is concerned about my relationship thingy~ Well, perhaps they knew how hard I fell after the previous one.....

there's one guy~ erhemm~ I never knew things would come so soon....I mean new crush? I once told myself not to fell in love so fast...PLEASE! but i just couldn't seem to help myself....I wasn't even sure if I have already let go of everything from the passed relationship yet....and now, there's something new happening.....

Who's this guy? he knows it I knows it....and let it be remained as a secret for now....

Our story began on 01.01.10~ Great! New Year huh? what a surprise~ I was staring helplessly boring at the computer screen when Ho said let's go PUMP~ cuz Daniel is in town! Yay~ I felt like I havent been to PUMP for ages~ Daniel was like the hardest champion to meet in person since he was in Sandakan~ this is a fantastic opportunity..... the next thing I knew....I was like OMG~ so many people were in Centre Point's fifth floor funsquare! I guess Daniel was like a huge superstar after all~

I get to know some of them on that day....before this, I have always saw them around in CP....but I never had any conversations with anyone of them....so that's why all of their faces are so familiar to me....After this New Year day, when my face was shown to the PUMP gang in Facebook, friend requests started to emerge days after days....and that's how I get to know MR PUMP GUY....Well, I am glad Ho brought me along on New Year day....cuz I just love having more frens! especially when all of us were sharing a same passion on the same interest!

One fine Saturday after that New Year day, this so called MR PUMP GUY (named by ms.Irean) asked me out to join their PUMP activity every weekend at the same place....Okay since I was so bored and free after work every Saturday....why not? We were at the basketball machine when suddenly our conversations started:

"show me what you got, I think you are good at this"
"no I am not! I am so noob I havent play basketball for ages"
"come on I don care, if you can get half of my marks then I will let you past"
"SWT~ I sure lose"

his mentioned mark was 180 and at the very last minute I got 90+

"haha~ okay is tat counted?"
"lol~ yea, you passed"

I thought that was nothing, but just then......

"what if I break my record?"
"what record?"
"we have to play a bet, that will make the game more interesting"
"@.@ how bout you tell me what should I say?"
"okay, if I break my record I will chase you"
"no problem"

I was laughing the whole time and was in a joking mood when I said no problem! cuz I thought he didn meant anything behind that....plus, I was those type who is "halved slow in picking up points" kinda person....after saying NO PROBLEM i was puzzled, OMG what did I just said?

He actually got 500++ shots in the end and I almost fell to the ground! this guy is crazy! He's like a transformer o terminator robot machine thingy that shoot basketball non-stop and and and.....I am totally speechless! I was standing just beside him and my eyes grew larger everytime the points increased non-stop!

"go run outside, I am gonna chase you"
"you sure?? hahaha"

I wondered if the both of us were serious or joking about it~ cuz we were laughing at that time.....it does sound flirty isn't it?

女孩的心声

其实很多男孩子都不知道，

女孩子从来不会真正去生他们的气，

因为她是真的喜欢他在乎她。

其实很多男孩子都不知道，

女孩子只会对自己喜欢的男生唠唠叨叨，

也只会对自己喜欢的人耍性子。

你要知道，假若她不喜欢你，

她根本不会来在乎关心你，怕你做错事情。

你要知道，假若她不喜欢你，

她根本不会对你发火不会冲你撒娇让你哄她，

在别人面前她都是淑女。

你要知道，假若她不喜欢你，

你根本就没有本事让她哭泣，

让她即使生气也不会超过两天。

而这一切都只是因为她喜欢你，

而这一切都因为你还不够在意她，不够懂她。

于是，你们时常争吵，

你认为她脾气不好，她认为你不够迁就她。

于是，你们总是冷战，

你以为她不喜欢你，她以为你不在乎她。

于是，你们总是莫名其妙的彼此错过，

也许差身而过，本身就是一种悲伤着的无奈与幸福。

要知道，凄美依然是美的一种，

并且美的绚丽悲凉而沧桑，那是更加的美。

因为她喜欢你，

所以她偶尔对你发火，时常对你撒娇。

因为她喜欢你，

所以她才会生你的气；

而又因为喜欢你，

她才不会生你很久的气。

你可知道，

每个女孩子的心都是水晶做的，

晶莹剔透，

但是很容易就碰伤摔碎。

你可知道，

每个女孩子都是不设防的，

你那么轻易就闯进她的心，

走的时候却只留下伤害。

她从来都不知道，

这个世界上根本没有可以让她哭的人，

因为真正值得她哭的那个，是舍不得让她哭的。

她会很矜持，

她会很骄傲，

她会很冷淡，

她总是嘴里说着你走开，

心里却一直叫你留下。

请你张开你的耳朵，

也请你打开你的心，

去听她心里真正的呼唤，

而不是她嘴里的口是心非。

她会看着你转身，然后她跟着你转身，

当侧身而过的时候，你看不见她的泪，

滂沱在脸上心里。

如果你喜欢她，请你多陪她；

如果你喜欢她，请你多宠她；

如果你喜欢她，请你多让她。

如果你喜欢她，请你去听听她内心的声音，

那是呐喊——请拥抱她。

在爱情里，总是彼此伤害，

彷佛这样才能证明自己爱得激烈；爱到轰轰烈烈。

可是，爱情里没有谁对，谁错；

爱情里更加没有你比我多，我比你少。

你爱她，她爱你，

如此就已经足够。

不要试图让彼此伤害，

让彼此更加脆弱悲伤。

你们彼此相爱，

你们需要的是温暖，是幸福，是甜蜜，是快乐，

不是伤害。

不要用沉默宣战，不要互不相让，

更不要什么话都不讲就冷漠离去。

要知道，你离去的时候，

你的眼睛起了雾，她的眼角泛着泪光。

越是安静战火就越传，

这是冷战也是彼此的伤害——无论是怎么的复合，

那些伤口曾经存在，抹不去。

请给她一个拥抱，

用你的拥抱去化解她心里的悲伤与眼角的泪水。

她喜欢你，

她绝对不会拒绝你的拥抱，

她只会害怕你的冷漠转身无声安静。

请记住，

相爱的人不要轻易宣战，

因为冷战带来的伤害，超出你的预计。

也请记住，

只要你喜欢她，没有什么是你接受不了的，

只要你喜欢她，就喜欢她的一切一切。

那么她所有的小性子，所有的坏脾气，所有的臭毛病，

在你眼里都是撒娇。

也请记住，

她喜欢你，她需要的不是你真的转身，

她嘴里说着的也不是她的真心话。

她只是想你宠她，

想你抱她，
想每天都贴着你，
永远不停的爱你。