Memories and promises flash back~

It's already the 20th day today after our break up....Memories and flash backs seems to haunt me so strong these few days... It's Sunday today...I was at the church when my watch suddenly loose it grip and stayed hanging on my wrist....I looked at it and there goes the first flash back....It was just outside this church where I first got this watch on my wrist....and it was a surprise gift from him on Easter day....Both of us were still in friend status back then but things were going on so close....it makes me remembered all the sweet things that he had done for me...."it's dirty already...why don't you bought a black one instead of a white one back then?"said my mum to me....buy?too bad she didn't knew that it was a meaningful gift for me....
I not sure what was it for but there was a special slide show presentation for everyone in the church...I wondered what actually struck me today since morning but I felt all the wordings hard in my heart when the slide begin.... Wordings such as "Why do God have to take you away from me?" "why do you have to leave me?" "When you're gone I fell so hard" "I hope that you're hurt too cuz I am feeling the pain inside" It's actually a slide about mothers who had left the world....but with all those wordings like that...I felt it too in my heart only in a different aspect....my tears had uncontrollably rolled down my cheeks and I quickly wipe it away as I was still in the church...I wouldn't wanna start breaking down in front of everyone.... I fight against my tears and hoping that it won't fall again....at least let the mass finish first....when the mass is finally over...I hurried grab my things and walked out...
It was cloudy that morning where the sunshine is seen a while and not seen a while....seems like it's playing hide and seek with the clouds....it was windy....and people are starting to leave the church....me?On usual Sunday I would have proceed to the LCCI class in KCC....and of course...he is the one who will come and fetch me...every week waiting for me outside the church....it's his face I see again in my flash back as I walked outside....I speed up and head for the bus stop....since no one is there anymore to pick me up....while my family are on duty at the church...I had to find my own way to get to another place....which is taking the bus as I do not know how to drive yet....I have to leave here as my eyes had watered and tears start to pour.....
I can's resist it already when I went down from the bus walking along the road towards my home....it was the same road where he used to send me home....now I will be walking alone back to my home....and that's when I started to break down....tears pour down as if it's raining heavily from the clouds....Why do things have to end like this?it's still torturing my heart even until this day...I can't even let go of anything cuz memories of us are everywhere to be seen.... Looking back at the watch....I still remembered the first official day for us was on 19/04/2009....the story was so famous I think all of my frens knew how both of us started our relationship in Tanjung Aru....everyone who heard the story felt the sweetness even when they were just looking at me and hearing stories from me....Time passed so fast and I guessed none of us have ever thought that it only stayed as a part of our memories now....


The moment I reached home and closed the door...I finally cried like there is no more tomorrow....I don't even have the strength to stand firm....I sit on the floor...put down everything and cried my heart out like a spoiled child....my house had even more memories of him....he was a regular visitor to my house....my family knew him especially my mum....even after we had already broke up, my mum still always asked me about him....Sorry Mum cuz I didn't tell you the whole story behind us....cuz I knew you will be very disappointed with him if I did....I only wanted you to have a good image of him....just let me have all the pain of the truth....and I know it's gonna take a long time to heal myself from this....
"Promise me that you would never leave me no matter what, You are the only one that I loved, I only wanted you for the rest of my life, I won't let you go under any circumstances, we shall be together forever I promise you that, I love you baby."I remembered this line so clearly cuz this is what he always used to tell me back then in my room...everytime I entered my room,I am sure to hear the line playing back in my mind....and there it goes to another flash back and leading to so many other flash backs....I didn't gave up on you but you are the one who gave up on me....Why do you have to break your promises and did something that I hated the most?!Why do you have to make so many promises and plans for our future if you couldn't keep all of it??I remembered every single words that you told me.....and I keep each and every one of it inside my heart....hoping to see it fulfilled and come true one day later....But instead you crushed it one by one in front of my bare eyes.....I am feeling the stab so hard in my heart over and over.... Don't ask me to forget everything that had happened cuz that is the number one most impossible thing....Don't ask me to be strong and face life plus reminding me that all had happened were mistakes....when you are the only reason I am weak inside, the only reason why my tears pour uncontrollably regardless time and place, and the only reason that had broken my fragile heart into pieces....Don't try to mess up with the feelings or play with the heart cuz it's the most fragile thing inside a human body.....once it's broken and scattered, it will never be complete again....the pain might gone some day but the scar are staying forever....
Remember that you even wished to get engaged next year when you are 21 years old?please don't make promises and vows too early....cuz it's really hurting me a lot when none of it are coming true..... I hated people who played with other people's feeling and hurting others for no reason the most....are you doing that on purpose?You were nothing like this when I first knew you....and it's almost impossible you are someone like this....it never even ever crossed my mind that this will happen....I gave you more than 100% of trust but why do you have to disappoint me in the end?I loved you too much to let go of anything.....I can't even believe that all of these are happening, always hoping that I wake up one day and realized it's only a dream....days passed and I am still hanging on so firm...everyday I looked at my phone wishing that you will called me or even turned up surprisingly downstairs at my house like you always do.....wished that you will say that you needed me so bad and come back to me....everyday I cried to comfort myself in order to feel better cuz I am feeling the emptyness in my heart....I wondered have you really loved me before?have you really put everything down already?What were all those moments that we had together back then?We were so happy and didn't even care what other people are saying.... can you tell me what are all those?are they fake?Am I the only one that is feeling everything inside? Everytime I opened my cupboard....I thought of your mum....cuz she always gave me clothes...and there are all hanging inside my cupboard....I wore each and everyone of it....it fits me so well I liked all of it....even thought of it while I went shopping with my frens cuz they went into the shop where your mum get the clothes from....
Remember the teddy you gave me the other day when you came to say sorry?You said that no one are allowed to say the word "break up" after that....but why do you have to do it in action now?I can't believe that we actually broke up as well in August....only one month after that incident....and it is you who requested it.....again~you choose to break my heart....every night when I climb to bed I saw that teddy and I thought of you...because that was what I hug to sleep every night....and I end up dreaming of you every night and waking up with tears.... Every minute I was thinking that where would you be and what will you be doing at that moment...you used to called me everyday to ask what I am doing....but now....I waited for your calls everyday but I guessed the phone will never show your name on it anymore....I used to sleep after talking to you every night cuz your sound is like a hypnotizing medicine for me....Now, I have to make myself tired in order to have a peaceful sleep at night....cuz i have became and extra light sleeper.....any slight sounds or movements can wake me up....I am no longer the big eater and heavy sleeper you used to know....everyday I leaned and hug the big pillow you used to lean on when you were in my room.....I somehow missed your scent cuz that's what I smell when you hug me or when I hug you....not to mentioned that I missed your hugs and kisses so bad as well....cuz you are the first guy to give me kisses and hugs.....it's impossible to forget even the slightest feeling of it...."Never say that you are sam ba lao anymore cuz I will bring you to anywhere you wanted to go and never been to"...we have been to tanjung aru,kundasang,lokawi,around kk,my house and your house together....will they be any next?I havent been around the Sabah yet....not even reaching KL together with you....why isn't there any more next?Time to travel alone again....no more plans together....I can't even be there to celebrate your birthday with you....planned and waited for it for months....but none of it has been made to happen in the end....no more together plans since then...."you will never be alone anymore cuz i will always be at you side, you will feel secure cuz i will love you and protect you always" where?I cant see love anymore....the feeling is dead....all I had inside the heart and soul are loneliness and emptyness once again....what had happen to my beloved whitelighter who was always there when i needed him? Will I left my current job?Whenever I step into the office and looked at my boss....it reminded me of you and your dad....your dad was the one that introduced me to the job....and you are the one who brought me to the interview...we were escaping out lunch time that day...and it was a friday (29/05/09)that was when I had the hope to change a new job cuz I was getting tired of my job in Sinsuran...I once thought of quitting the job....cuz everytime I saw my boss...it makes me feeling guilty having to know that he called your dad to found out what had happen to me in the past couple of weeks....it's a good job and i had a pleasant time learning new things from it....I bet it would have sounded so stupid to leave the job because of a personal problem....
Driving lessons?Will get back to it after I have the mood to study and learn.......everyone around us were so aware of us but why does the condition of it had to change now?Isn't everything going so well all these while until everyone thought that we were the perfect sweet young couple.....why do you have to change?You changed isn't it? Friends around....your friends my friends...everyone who knew us were so shocked.....I went speechless....when they asked why....I cant even say the reason properly....Why?I asked myself over and over everyday....I don't get it myself either....Why?and it's pathetic that it has to be like this....some even tried to lend a helping hand hoping to see things being fixed....but yet the ending is still the same....bump into friends of us even while walking on the streets just to do something that can take off my mind for a while there.....guessed the world is a small place for friends....and they are just about anywhere....that was when the most important flash back take place.....my old office in Sinsuran....it was the place that I first knew you....and it was on Valentine's day (14/02/2009)....you used to come pick me up for lunch and when I saw couples walking together it really makes me thought of us back then.....walking together under the umbrella and holding my lunch box....

016-8302871?I loved that number too much to let go....it's our number together subbing with mine 016-8302870....we used to talked and SMS for free with it....it has so many conversation memories in it...how could I have the heart to let it go?Thinking back then I even took two three days to look for the perfect number...we were so excited and cant wait for it....cuz talking will be free then after that~!It's conversation spree....now I wondered will I still keep that number with me?
*sigh* Memories~ memories~ flash backs~~~ You were always on my mind....

My First Major Break Up (Last part)

"Yang~"
"Baby what's wrong?"
"Are you free tomorrow?"
"Yes of course~ what's up?"
"we need to talk~ I have something to say"
"I have many things to say as well~ when do you wan to see me?"
"I am free now, it's either now or tomorrow after class"
"I'll be there to pick you up after class tomorrow"
"Okay then"
"Did you eat and sleep well?"
"no"
"baby have you eaten these few days?"
"not really, I havent ate much this few days, I cant even sleep"
"baby please treat yourself nicer, I don wanna see you like this. you asked me not to find you these few days and i listened to you. please listen to me, eat something and get some rest. you fell sick easily and i don wan that to happen."
"*silence* I'll see what i can do."
"actually something happened today. uncle called my dad."
"*nervous* what? why did he called?"
"he asked my dad what happen between us, cuz you cannot work properly in the office lately. have you make any mistakes?"
"yea i did."
"we'll have a talk tomorrow ok, please take some sleeps tonight, drink some warm milk before bed. it helps you to sleep well. and milk is good for your stomach since you didn ate much."
"okay."

I finally called Dear on the night of 5th Sept. i can't even stand not talking and seeing him for 2 days....what more if it's another two weeks. the next day Dear was there in front of KCC college just like the usual sundays. I almost fainted while on the way walking to his car.

"*breathing hard*"
"baby why are you like this?"
"i didn eat my breakfast."
"why hadn't you eat?!"
"i vomit everything."
"i bring you to eat something."

We seated ourselves in a shop in Damai.

"bagi sup mee hoon satu campur campur. satu gelas susu panas."
"i cant eat so much. dont waste."
"if you cant finish it i will eat the rest."
"have you eaten?"
"already. but i still can eat."
"*stare at the table*"

the food and the milk arrived shortly after that. we talked while I try to eat something.

"what happen yesterday?"
"my family knew what happen already. uncle called and asked my dad yesterday. my dad told my mum and they scolded when I was back at home."
"so sorry."
"it's not your fault, it's always my bad. i am the one who asked for everything. and I need to settle the consequences."
"*drink milk*"
"you said you wanted to say something to me?"'
"actually i just wanted to know about that girl."
"we are nothing already. we ended everything already. we are back to just frens now."
"I just wanted to know who is she. I might felt better after that."
"you really wanted to know everything?"
"yeap."
"okay, she's some girl I knew around a year ago. we started off as frens. i do my things and she is always with hers. just like any other people, slowly we begin to have feelings for each other. but we didn bring it to a closer step. cuz we wanna make sure everything is right. maybe we are both busy of work after that, everything just faded away. just then you showed up, and i moved my attention to you. i always went out with you and used to spend more time with you. and slowly that brings us to today."
"*tears filled my eyes* I guess I am the real third party."
"No you are not. there is nothing between us that time. you are the first to me."
"no. I am the third party. why me? why do you pick me instead of her?"
"everything just faded away that time. I guessed we are not suitable for couple then. then you showed up in my life and things changed since then. lately i not sure what happen, i just felt something with her and she was the same. so automatically everything just sparks and started in an instant. that's when i realized everything is at it's very wrong part."
"who is she? someone at work?"
"counted as...you only wanted to ask this?"
"After what I have heard, I don't think the rest is important anymore."
"what is that baby? you can ask and talk what you want."
"no. it won't mean a single thing anymore. not important at all."

After that, I can't continue eating anymore. It has been a week of un-proper eat and sleep routine, I guessed my body has become used to it. Once I eat more I will end up vomiting everything I consumed. I was once a heavy sleeper but now I am a super light sleeper I wake up from just a tiny slight of sound or movement.

"I send you home okay baby."
"I don't wanna go home."
"You need some rest. you can't even walk properly. where do you still wanted to go in a hot afternoon?"
"I just don't wanna head home so early. I only knew how to cry at home. I can called some frens out later. just drop me somewhere please."
"baby, seriously you needed some rest, you looked very pale. I'm gonna send you home ya."

Dear insisted on sending me home. so we both reached my place after 20 minutes or so. He accompany me up and sitted with me a while in my room.

"baby don't sit on the floor. come and take a nap on the bed."
"I don't wanna sleep. I don't even wanna be at home. why do you insisted on sending me home?"
"you obviously needed a good rest. you are weak now where do you still wanna go?!"
"don't care about me. I just don wanna stay at home all day and cry non-stop."

with that, tears started to fall again. I have tried not to cry the whole day today, but in the end I have to give in.

"baby please don't cry anymore. it hurts to see you cry."
"*continue to shed more tears*"
"baby don't cry!"
"we don't have a turning point anymore is it?"
"listen to me baby, i have think a lot of our things lately when I can't sleep at night. I've made a choice and my choice is my work. I want to focus on my work and earn more money."
"why.....why do things have to end up like this....."
"sorry baby. but it's better to stop now and not continue getting wrong."
"*start crying*"
"baby I am sorry. I know I've hurt you a lot. please don't cry. there's a reason I'm doing this. I just don wanna hurt you anymore...."

I cried even more after that and never even stopped for a while. I didn concentrate much on what he said. All I know was there isn't a single hope left and I've saw the end. All of a sudden there was a thud and I saw him knelt down before me. His eyes were watered and tears start to fall.

"Yang what are you doing?"
"Please forgive me this stupid. I've hurt you too bad I'm so sorry."
"Get up Yang."
"no. I guessed it's good that i kneel here until your parents come back and scold me."
"Nooooooo Yang, you have to leave before they gets back."
" I wanted to apologize to your parents. they have put so much hope on me. I know they thought that I can take care of you. keep you safety with me. but in the end I failed to do so. I wanted to say sorry to them as well."
"Yang please leave before they return. I cannot let my dad see you here. he'll kick you out."
"I am such a jerk I should just let him do what he wants on me."
"please I don wan anything bad to happen. please leave before they come back."

We both cried together in the end, even hugging each other at the same time.

"yang get up. don knelt before me."
"baby don't shed your tears for a stupid guy like me. I can't cry much already cuz I cant breathe well. if I continue to suffocate myself I will loose my breath."
"can i go die instead? i can't stand it anymore."
"baby don't you dare say that!!"
"maybe i will feel better that way..."
"baby what the hell are you thinking?! please don do something stupid. if you die, I won't forgive myself. I will kill myself."

I dunno what's going thru my mind, I can't believe I just said something like that, felt like a drama though~

"baby please promise me something, you have to be strong and continue with your life~ you have so much more things to be done and i wanna see you success in the end~ being an independant and dependaple person~ you will find someone better than me in the future~ I am just a stupid jerk who is not worthy for you to love~"
"I just want you~ I just want the old us~"
"baby you gotta let me go...I am not good enough, I've hurt you too much....promise me that you will lead a better life after this."
"I wont promise if i cannot do it."

Just then his phone rang and I know he's gotta go. he has promised his frens to go for a basketball session.

"Just leave me here. you don't have to care bout me."
"baby don't cry anymore. i can't leave you here like this."
"go. I cried every single day I am used to it. so don't care about me."

he gave me a last hug and a gentle kiss on my lips. he wipe away my tears before he finally walks out of my room. I cry even more when he walked out and I knew he was standing at the door watching me for almost 10 minutes before I heard the sound of the closing door.

We obviously don't have to wait until 16th Sept~ That was the last time he stepped in my room~ and that will be the last time he'll ever come to my house. with that, it is the final ending and full stop to my love story. Good Bye My First Love~

My First Major Break Up (Part 4)

"I've told you to let me come with you......see what happen?" it was the first thing Aifer said when I sat into his car....durh~*pathetic me* 03/09/09=Feeling so pathetic....I didn't slept well the whole night again last night....*sigh* why is all this happening i wish someone can give me an answer.... "Okay punya la, got me and your fren June here today, you sure okay punya" I was not in the mood for talking....I hardly talk and my eyes were damn swollen...I had to wear specs again today....==" our destination today was K-BOX....actually I intended to find a place to sit and talk the whole night....but we end up hanging around in K-BOX.....

At first, Aifer try to cheer up the atmosphere and make me forget everything for a moment....

Backstreet back alright~ everybody yeah~ yeah~ rock your body yeah~ yeah~ everybody yeah~ rock your body yeah~ backstreet back alright~

i will follow you~ follow you wherever you may go~ there isn't an ocean too deep~

staying alive~ ha ha ha ha ha~ staying alive~

I~ had a picture of you in my mind~ never knew it would be so wrong~ why it take me so long just to find~ a fren that was there all along~

After some crazy odd songs, it's time for me to sing along....guess what? all sad songs are out.....

再给我两分钟~让我把记忆结成冰~ 记得你叫我忘了吧~ 记得你叫我忘了吧~ 你说你会哭不是因为在乎~ 这感觉已经不对我努力在挽回~

终于看开爱回不来~ 而你总是太晚明白~ 最后才把话说开~ 哭着叫我留下来~
能不能给我一首歌的时间~ 静静的把爱变成永远~ 我要控制我自己~ 不要让别人看见我哭泣~

外套脱掉脱掉~ 外套脱掉~ 上衣脱掉脱掉~上衣脱掉~

爱你不是因为你的美而已~ 我越来越爱你~ 每个眼神触动我的心~

忘了是怎么开始~ 也许就是对你~ 有一种感觉~ 忽然间发现自己~ 已深深爱上你~

I finally cried when I sang "all or nothing" by O Town~ Aifer was stunned himself cuz it's the first time he sees me crying.....before this, I am always known as the TOMBOY to him...being a total GUY when I am around him....and now he was shocked to see me crying....he hand me tissues and jokingly said "I left the whole box of tissue that you asked me to bring in my car, you want me to go get it for you?" I told him I'll be okay a while later....nevermind about it....June said let that be the last song...no more singing and let's head to other places instead....

We paid off our bills outside at the counter and off we sit into Aifer's car......it's 9.30 and we have no idea where to head to...."I'll drive around and we can have our chats in the car aight?" "okay, sounds okay to me" "so what actually happen last night?" I told them the whole story, including what Dear had told me....."Shit that guy!" "I know I am pathetic as well....." "Just throw him away will ya....he's as useless as a junk" "Then?Then?" "I told him there cannot be two girls at the same time, if she's there, there will be no me, if I am here, then she can't be around, you only can pick one. it's either me o her" "Then what did he says?" "he still said he needed some time to leave that girl....he asked me to give him some time to settle everything" "SHIT la~wat a shit guy" "I wanna just leave cuz it hurts so bad, but it hurts even more to leave just like that...I mean there's still a lil hope isn it? I just want a hope I don care anything else" "so let's say he really wanted you back but he cant leave that girl...what are you going to do?" "I have no idea....I am totally lost I dunno wat's the right thing i should do now" "so you are giving him time?" "yea~lastly I said let's wait for 16th Sept to finalize everything" "why 16th Sept?" "cuz 16th Sept is his birthday" "aiks...grace...." "you remembered he keep on asked me what day is 16th Sept yesterday during dinner?" "yea*nod her head*" "and I kept said that it's TYT's birthday lor, Sabah's important day...he thought I had forgotten about it....but I never forget it....I've been waiting for it for the past few months...."

"*sigh*" "Who have expected it to end up like this today....it's pathetic" "it's not you, it's that guy that sucks" "so now you really gonna wait for 16th Sept?" "Yea,I'm gonna wait....I asked him not to phone me within these days and not to come look for me,I just wanna give both of us some time to really think...." "I won't be here that day" "how come" "I am going back to Singapore on that day" "Actually I am taking a risk, if let say he really can't afford to loose me, he will realized it within these few days cuz he's not allowed to find o call me until 16th Sept....but if he doesn't felt like that, it's sad and pathetic I just gotta accept the fact that he doesn't want me anymore" "What if something happen within these days?" "like for example?" "I dunno,only wat if...." "BTW, what did he said in returned?" "surprisingly he agreed...he was actually sobbing so hard he was suffocating the whole time...in the end I said like this to make him feel better....stupid me" "you always think the best of him first....you are giving him chance after chance *sigh*" shit that guy~ useless " "and he took the poem [The Road not Taken] for what?! like he was good in english and apparently a literature lover? *swt*" "ya wor...I totally forgot that poem already *swt*"

"why don't you asked for the girl?" "he don't wanna tell me anything." "shit la~ how come he still being so protective of that girl." "I wanted to know that girl so bad myself as well." "i think you should go ask about that girl, who the hell is she, i wondered if that girl even know about your presence."

"Wait for me baby~ I will settle everything within these days and be back....wait for my good news ya baby~Miss you so much" was the last words I heard that night....

what will actually happened on the 16th Sept? Should I expect it to be a good day? will there still be hope for me, for us? It's torturing to wait....cuz it's another two weeks.....

My First Major Break Up (Part 3)

I was constantly waking up on and off the whole night...but at least last night felt better than the previous night...I manage to get some sleeps....was it because he was here last night? was he the reason for my pleasant sleep?

He did called in the middle of midnight....when he couldn't sleep and was still crying...I can hear him cry and sob through the phone....Maybe I am used to talk to him on the phone every night....that's why I couldn't sleep when I didn't hear his voice the previous night....what would my life be if we really broke up? Aren't we suppose to break up already? what is really our status right now?

02/09/09~ the rain is still pouring outside....I wondered was it the raining season's here or was it just another sad day? my eyes were swollen seriously today....resulting from lack of sleeps+teary eyes....so I have to wear my specs to work today....=.=" I'm not really in the mood for work still....I hope that time can pass very fast so that I won't have to stuck on this day for a long time.....Things were not liked what I wanted it to be when I reached office....there were so many things need to be done today and must be finished today! *sigh* sure it will be tiring....

I started with the distributors' claims....we needed to key in every item into the newly introduced SAP system first before we can summit any documents to the HQ in Malacca.....so it would be another extra procedure in our job....it will costs us more time....just when I was so busy finishing up all the work and rushing to make ends meet....there was an unexpected call at 3p.m.....it was DEAR....he was crying at the other end of the phone when I picked the call....he told me that he was missing me so bad and wanted to see me today....he didn't sleep for the whole night and I was the only thing is his mind....I told him my fren, Aifer will come to pick me up today after work and we will go have dinner with my form 6 classmate, June....he suggested to come pick me instead of Aifer but I told him I already confirm and told them....if he insisted to see me today i will head to his house after the dinner....he paused for a moment and then agreed.....I asked him to continue working first and we will have our long talk after work....as I have so much more things to do....

4.15p.m....another call and it was DEAR....this is starting to become unusual.....I picked the call and he asked where is my office location....I said "Towering lor"...I was surprised cuz he knew it all this while....he asked again but this time he asked for the block of the office...which floor and where is the exact place....I started to feel weird about his questions...cuz he sounded so demanding and anxious....the rain outside was pouring so heavily....and it was noisy with all the raining sound at the end of the phone line.....I slowly described the nearby places around my office.....The more I said the more his voice got nervous....something is not right so i asked "Yang where are you now?" he cried and said "I have to see you now, but I can't find you...I am so stupid....." he was crying so bad his voice drift off at the end of the line....I paused everything I was doing...this only means that he is just around in Towering at this moment...."Yang are you in Towering?" "I can't find you, baby where are you? I need to see you now, I am not feeling well, it's torturing....and i am so stupid....." his voice was so shaky I hardly heard what he said since the rain is pouring so heavily outside....

"Where is he coming from? If he is coming from KK then he should have saw the Nirvana building from the front" My boss suddenly speaks up....he tried to help give Dear directions.....I was shocked a while but then I got nervous myself as well....what the hell is he doing here in Towering at this kind of time...he should be in the office by now.... "Who is that?" my boss asked...."My......friend" there was an awkward tune in the sound cuz I was thinking whether to mention Dear's name or not....better not say at all but I can't care a damn....I need to get him....somehow I started worrying him....."baby can you come downstairs?" I asked permission from my boss to go downstairs for a while.....but I know I can't be long cuz my work is still loaded on my table! I walked down slowly and patiently through the 2 story flight of stairs....my heart was beating so fast I couldn't breathe well.....

Dear was standing right there in front of the first flight of stairs downstairs....the moment he saw me he rushed up and hug me real tight...I almost fell at the stairs as I didn't stand firm....even with the people passing by outside, he didn't let me go the whole time.....he was hugging me so tight and crying on my shoulders....I barely even breathe well that time.....rain water was dripping all over from his hair, his clothes and his pants.....that's when i realized he had a hard time finding my office....with the heavy rain pouring non-stop, he must have been running in the rain....my eyes watered as I slowly asked "Yang what are you doing here? why aren't you using an umbrella? Aren't you in the office just now?" he was shivering all over and the only words that came out from his lips was "baby please don't leave me, i can't live without you"...I stood still and my mind was blank once again....WHAT IS GOING ON?WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT FROM ME DEAR?

"it was a total mistake baby, i don't mean to leave you, do we still have a chance together?" I can't think of anything that time, all I answered him was "we'll talk this later okay? I still have plenty of work waiting for me and I can't leave the office unless I am done with everything" "i will wait for you til you finish your work" He look straight into my eyes and it was both red....tears were falling from his eyes....it's the second time I saw him cry.... "but I am going for dinner with them later...Aifer will be here in any minutes" "can you tell him that I will pick you up instead....can you go for dinner with them another time?" "I'll see how things are later okay? I really need to go back to work...you wanna come up and wait? It's raining outside and you are all wet...I don't wanna let you get wet anymore" "it's okay baby, stupid people like me are not worth for anyone to care of...stupid people like me deserved to wait....I'll wait for you until you finish your work okay?" "then at least come up and wait...I have seats in the office and it's warm there" "nevermind, I will be waiting in the car...I don't want to let uncle see stupid people like me"

I went back up and get back to work...It was already 5.30p.m. when I finally finished everything and called the courier boy to come pick up the documents....*pheww* i am in a total mess today and everything was a mess.....my boss saw it and it's sure is not good for my performance rating since I am still under probation period....anyway, I knew Aifer was around in Towering cuz he called at 5.15p.m just now...he was worried of my condition since Dear was here as well...Aifer insisted on coming together with us to the dinner but I said I will be fine....but thank him for coming at the same time as well....felt a lil guilty of rejecting him though after promising him in the first place....I seldom "throw aeroplane" on my friends as I hate people doing so.....

Dear's eyes was the first thing I saw when I opened the wooden main door on the first floor....I got shocked a lil but then I was happy to see him as well....I knew I couldn't let him go at all...seeing him here today was unusual and shocking....but I admit I loved seeing him here....and after everything he had said earlier....the relationship seems to have another turning point.....things improved? is this a good sign? there's hope in my heart and I want tat hope! "baby i'm so stupid to say all those things to hurt you, please don't leave me" he said this while hugging me....I loved the way he hugged me....and I always let him hug me for a long time..."will you give me another chance?will you give our relationship another try?" I stayed in silence cuz i don't know what should I answer him...should I? or should I not? My heart was shouting HELLL YESSSS but my mind was asking me to think it over whether is this the right thing to do?"baby will you give this stupid guy another chance....?" I wish I could think faster and rationally....but in the end it was my heart that give in....and I nod my head...I guessed I loved him too much to let go....all I want is to get back to the old days....I just wanna be with him....

After that, we went to have dinner with June and surprisingly Ng......after having our dinner in Lintas...Ng's friends called him up for a group study in Penampang's library while June requested us to drop her at her friend's house.....the night ended quite fast as the two of them went off early...maybe they wanted to give us space so that we could have a long talk....after all that had happened.....

We head to our house.....but Dear stopped at the shop lots in front of my house...."we need to talk...there's something I need to tell you" I don't really have the guts to look straight to his eyes...all I do is just staring the dark road in front....i don't like the sound of this....seems like I am not going to like what he is about to say....."what is it? is there anything more to talk about?" He turned me around so that I could face him....."you know what is the main problem that really came between us?" Why is he saying this all over again? what is he hiding? Dear stared at me without even blinking his eyes....this is scary....he looked more serious than before..... "it wasn't your attitude that I can't stand of...it's nothing near that......and it's not that I got bored or something....it's because.....there's a third party between us....."

OUCH~ all of a sudden my tears rushed down like a broken pipe.....I felt as if someone was stabbing my heart....the pain was so familiar I knew it's happening again....my heart was scattered for the second time and I hate this feeling....WHY DO YOU HAVE TO HURT ME ONCE, GAVE ME HOPE, AND THEN STAB ME AGAIN, KILLING ME FOR REAL DEAR? "I knew you hate people who lied to you the most.....that's why I am telling you this...." I felt so bad in an instant and I can't stop crying....I turned away, wanted to open the door and just run as far as I could....just then Dear stopped me from opening the door....he started sobbing and said "baby don't go"....."what do you still want from me? there's nothing left between us anymore.....there's no turing back...." "Baby i know i am wrong, please listen to me first....i dunno wat am i thinking back there....i was so wrong and stupid I dunno what I am doing...." ....."who is she?" I looked at Dear and he was stunned.....he was in silence and couldn't even say a word.....I asked again and demanded "who is that girl?" Dear still looked at me in silence with his teary eyes......I stared at him not giving up for the answer....."she's just some girl I knew for some time.....we only started not long....there's nothing much between us.....you just need to give me some time..."

EXCUSE ME? GIVE YOU SOME TIME?! WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSE TO MEAN! YOU WANTED ME BACK AND NOW YOU WANT ME TO GIVE YOU SOME TIME?! FOR WHAT?! TO THINK IT OVER?! OR TO CHOOSE ONE BETWEEN US?! IF SO, THEN WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT JUST HAPPENED BACK THERE IN THE AFTERNOON?! my tears never stopped again since that second struck just now and he was not in a good condition of himself as well...he was sobbing so bad he was actually suffocating himself.....as he had breathing complications I tried to comfort him at the same time.....pretty silly huh? I hate and love him at the same time I hardly recognized myself anymore.....just then his phone rang.....and he said "I have to take this call, can you wait for me a while?" he actually went outside to the back of his car and pick the call....what is that suppose to mean?! why can't I hear what are you about to talk? unless the call is from her! and you went out just to pick her call when I am here in front of you?! I HAD ENOUGH OF EVERYTHING! I opened the door and step outside....just then I had a strong struck from my stomach to my throat.....vomit! I must have eaten too much during dinner just now.....after two days of non-proper-food days.....

"Baby are you okay?! please don't scare me~Baby look at me!" Dear rushed to get me before I really passed out.... "Baby are you okay? look at me~ what happen?" I sit back in the car....feeling hopeless...i can't even walk away....*pathetic* I told him I am fine...I just wanna go home....He started sobbing again saying "Baby I am sorry I was so stupid, I can't stand on my promises and in the end hurting you so bad, I was down once, and when I stand up I found two road, you remembered the poem THE ROAD NOT TAKEN? I was blurred and I dunno which road to take, i chosen the short road cuz i thought i will reach the destination faster, in the end i realized i made a mistake but i was already half way through it, i wanted to turn and go back to the other road but i couldn leave this one as well, you get my point?" When I refused to listen anymore, he suddenly blurted out the most hurtful thing that night...."Both of you treat me too good, especially you, you were always there for me and doing so many things for me, i can't even count it all with my fingers, she was also there always helping me, both are too good to be left, I wanted you both,I am just blurred and dunno what to do"

ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MY HEART IS SOOOOOOO FRAGILE TO BE CRUSHED OVER AND OVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!STOP THAT DAMN PAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the last line was the one line that killed me without any resurrection....and i will forever remember that line of words and the feeling i was going through that time....it shall never forever be forgotten....

My First Major Break Up (Part 2)

Tears, and tears, other than tears is still tears.....
My tears had never stopped since last night after Dear left my house....
I tried to get some sleeps on my bed....but whenever I closed my eyes....everything keep flashing back...even those words were so clear in my ears....everything just wouldn't let me go.....

The sky is still raining...and it has been raining the whole night since yesterday.....
Was the sky accompany me crying and going through every sadness?

I stare at the ceiling of my bedroom and let my tears flow down my cheeks non-stop....it's already 5:30a.m of 01/09/09.....and I haven't slept for the whole night....I couldn't even get my thoughts clear a bit.....my eyes were swollen and my heart is aching...even my boaster and blanket were wet....I don't know what else I can do....i don't feel like getting out of the bed nor doing anything....I don't even feel like going to work today....everything was at it's worst and I looked like a junk myself....I am lost...I have no directions and no points.....I DON"T KNOW WHAT TO DO.....

I grabbed my phone and browsed through the friend list....I need to find someone....Usually Dear was the first one I looked for everytime....now i can't....although my fingers wanted to punch those numbers I knew all my life....although my ears wanted to hear his voice so bad....but I knew I can't...the more I thought of him...the more it hurts inside....and I can't even try not to think about him....his shadows are just about everywhere.....I typed a simple message and forward it to a few of my closed girlfriends....I just can't stop my thoughts and the dying feeling inside...I need someone by my side.....

6.00a.m, Yvonne called me...she was worried and asked how was I doing...and she wanted to know what actually happened cuz it happened all of a sudden when everything was doing so well....she don't understand how could things like this had happen when nothing was wrong in the relationship and we never even quarrel before.....I cried when I heard her voice....I wished all of them were just right beside me and give me a huge hug.....but too bad all 4 of them were in Peninsula at that moment.....I told her what happened last night...and I was crying all the way....I hardly even talked much....my hands were shaking and my voice was almost could not be heard.....Yvonne was good in calming people down....she talked me through it and try to calm me down....I was more calmer after talking with her....but it was almost time to wake up and prepare for work by the time I hang up....Will I be able to go through the whole day today with such a condition like this? I hope I can...I will try my best to fight it...but I know it's hard...Yvonne told me to take the day off and have a rest at home since I didn't slept the whole night....but I can't....my boss is not around in the office today so there need to be someone in the office....

I couldn't look or stare at anyone when I reached the office....now that I am working in the new office....there are so many colleagues here....not like before...I will be alone in the room when boss is not around....I went straight up to the second floor and hurried walked into my room...lucky we do have our own rooms here for all the respective sub-company...I couldn't hold back my tears no matter how hard I tried....it keep roll down my cheeks even after I wiped it away with the back of my hands.... STOP IT!! I haven't cried for so long since I don't remember when....the last time I cried before this was the time I was watching "TONG SAM FUNG BOU"...It was when Raymond Lam's character died....and how Xiong Zoi Sam played the saxophone by the sea.... their stories in the movies made me thought of my own real life stories....was it the same case? No....my best friend is not involved in my relationship....it couldn't be happening.....

Loads of work was waiting for me...since today was 01/09/09...it would be the most busiest time of the month for me....many of my friends SMS me throughout the day after they found out what had happened.....the main question they asked was "WHY?" all of them really don't get it at all.....it's like the almost impossible thing to happen..... I cried everytime they called...even my MSN was loaded with IMs....today was not super busy with works but instead super busy with chats....Thanks everyone for calling cuz I know you all cared bout me.... lucky my boss was not around today....for I missed count how many tissue papers I have used up.....

It was still raining dizzling outside when I left the office at 5p.m....guessed the sky was sad as well....Now I loved the rain even more...seems like it knows how I felt as well.....I used to enjoy walking in the rain under the umbrella cuz i think it's romantic....not I enjoyed walking the rain even more because no one knows I am crying under the rain..... The journey from my office back to my home felt so long.....as I continued to cry in the car....I wondered if my dad had noticed anything but my mum knew about it already...she was puzzled herself as well but she can't do anything other than give me some comfort words....it's good that she can take it well....and I'm glad she did.....she didn't comment a lot like she used to do....this time she only kept everything to herself...eventhough I knew deep down inside she has so many questions.....

My room felt so empty and the feeling is never the same again.....it's felt with sadness mood because I can see his shadows everywhere.....everything seems so blurred last night...and it happened just like that in a blink of an eye.....I doesn't even got the chance to think properly or say anything....I was empty and blurred myself as well....came to think back of it...it doesn't make any senses at all....I asked myself over and over WHAT THE HELL HAD JUST HAPPENED? I was so tired I went straight to bed after taking my bath.....I haven't ate much of the food during dinner just now as I couldn't even digest most of the food during lunch...it would be such a waste if I vomit everything out.....better not eat than waste.....I don't felt hungry anyway....there is not even a single inch of feeling already....

Just when I closed my eyes and try to get some sleeps.....my phone rang for the N times.....when I looked at it...."DEAR" was on the screen....I didn't expect this....but honestly, I was wishing and waiting him to call the whole day..... He was just downstairs when he called.....I woke up not feeling any tiredness at all....I opened the door and went out....there he was standing at the third floor of the stairs outside my house.....@.@ "we need to talk" dear said.....so I follow him to the car downstairs cuz he wouldn't want to come in to my house as my parents were there.....

It was silence at first inside the car...and the atmosphere was soooooooo weird.....I don't dare to look at him but he was staing at me the whole time.....all of a sudden he start crying.....I was like @.@?! WHAT'S GOING ON?! my tears started to fall as soon as I looked at him...I guessed we both were hurt....but why is this happening if no one wanted it? It's the first time I saw him crying.....and the more he cries the louder it sounds.....in the end he was crying helplessly....I thought this is what he wanted? to end the relationship? last night he sounded so firm and looked so tough....there isn't any sadness on his face....I was the one who cried like a shit and do not wanted to accept it.....but now, he was like a total different person....he hugged me hard and cried like a total spoiled child....Something must had happened.....

I gently asked him "what's wrong? what happen?" as I rubbed his back like a mum comforting her child...=.=".....he couldn't gathered himself once there.....but when he sounded a bit calm he said "I just went yum cha with Ng" @.@...so it was Ng that made him like this.... "then what did you guys talked about?" "a lot...." his voice disappear after the word "LOT"...he was so shaky I can't even hear what he said.....what did Ng actually told him that had made him become like this? I wondered....I've had so many unclear thoughts in my mind...and i have so many unanswered questions......and now I don't get a thing at all of what is actually happening in front of me....it's too much of everything at the same time....

I tried to comfort him down...make him cry a bit lesser...but he just wouldn't stop crying....I ask him the reason and what did Ng actually told him...he wouldn't want to tell me either....I was left with no choices then but to only comfort him and give him supporting words....I feeling the worst and I know he doesn't felt any better as well with this kind of expression and actions.....All i can heard from his mouth was the word "sorry" and "i am stupid"....he mumbled it from starting to the end for over an hour....other than that, I can't quite hear it... the word "sorry" was the clearest and "i am stupid" was being said for at least more than 50 times.....@.@ I have no idea what was all this about....no answer again for my questions.....I am so so blurry~~~

"Ng asked me is it what I wanted" "He asked me am I doing the right thing" "he told me that you are a good girl and I was so wrong to hurt you" "Ng said that what if she never trust guys anymore because of you" "he asked me to think what have I done to you" "Ng asked if I was treating you seriously or just playing with the relationship" "What is the main reason behind this" Dear blurted some words out when he cried.....I turned out to be the one who is comforting him the whole night.....and he was crying all night long for the whole hour downstairs my house inside his car.....I wished someone hug me like this as well when i cried last night but all i can hug is my boaster.....>.<" "I am so sorryyyy.....i really am.....I am so stupid and I am so so sorryyyyy to you" the night ended with hundreds and thousands of SORRYs.....

What is this suppose to mean? are we back together again? what is really our status right now? I don't get a single thing at all....but something inside me is telling that this might be a turning point....at least there is still hope for the relationship.....

My First Major Break Up (Part 1)

Should I be happy today? It’s Malaysia’s independence day – 31^st Aug 2009. Guessed I never had thought that it would be my independence day as well.

Everyone should be praising…cuz it’s public holiday…no work no school….sleep and play all you can! As for me, I can’t sleep well since the past few days…I wonder why…I first thought it was PMS….you know…. Girl’s thingy….but in the end of the day I found out that it was not only PMS….it’s something more serious than that….

Morning? Yea, it’s morning when I opened my eyes…and I was already awake at 6am plus….usually I would have been slept dead on a public holiday….it’s still early what~ but today, I was awaken by some uneasy feeling….what to do? I can’t continue sleeping already as something was bothering my mind….I woke up, brush my teeth, wash my face and open Facebook….the one thing that I am addicted nowadays was none other than facebook…..I not sure what got me so into it…cuz I prefer Friendster more than Facebook back then…after that, I guessed it got too bored and I switched to Facebook which is always loaded with tones of fun and updates!

I was thinking to go out with Dear….since it’s holiday….and we haven’t met for the past week….Monday to Friday were our working days so we didn’t went out and Dear didn’t drop by at my house this week….Dear went to Kudat on Saturday and was only backed to KK at Sunday evening…we didn’t manage to see each other either on weekend….But I guessed he was tired after a whole lot things done in the past week…so I didn’t call him up….He would have called me if he wanted to go out….so I continue to look at the computer screen…..

The clock on the wall showed 11a.m….Dear hasn’t call me yet…I knew he was already awake since I saw him online in Facebook since 9a.m something….maybe he was tired and was not thinking to go out…okay then, I got too bored and decided to go wandered and loitered around KK….something is bothering my mind so much until I can’t sit properly and having nasty depressed feelings….I have no idea what was actually causing it…hopefully it will get better when I reached KK later….I was walking and wandering around Asia City Complex when I first reached KK….it’s so damn bored I walk around for almost 5 o 6 rounds inside the complex….there was nothing to do and I am all alone….Just then my phone rang….it was Dear….Okay I thought, maybe he would come and accompany me…to my disappointment he was not so interested to go out….and he sounded so tired….in the end, I told him that I would be fine by myself….since he said he wanted to stay home and fix something in his car….

Wow~ am I so glad to met Paul in center later at 1p.m something….Ezra was there as well and we had lunch together….I finally met Ezra, the guy who made the <> music video featuring Paul….it was a nice video and he got excellent grades for his school project….not to mentioned, he had spent much on the production of the video….. my mood did not got any better but had worsen as time passed….since I was very bored and not feeling to go home so soon, I decided to follow them to One Borneo for a movie….they were planning to go watch <> together with another group of friends……maybe I missed Dear too much cuz I haven’t got the chance to meet him for the whole week….maybe that’s what making me in jumpy mode or should I say DEPRESSED….

Probably a movie would helped to ease me out a lil…..just then, I never knew things would get worse after that…. When I found out Dear was in One Borneo! @.@ WHAT?!

I thought he was fixing his car and getting some rest at home? This doesn’t sound good and my heart beat started to pump faster….he said that he was with his friends…..I didn’t asked much cuz I was in the cinema that time…talking long on the phone would have been disturbing and being un-polite to the person next to you…so I keep it short then…. I couldn’t concentrate on the movie after that….I wished I could just dashed outside and find Dear as soon as possible….but I didn’t….my conditions got worse later after the movie was over and I kept quiet all the way back home….my tears started to pour as I stepped down Paul’s car and walk upstairs to my house…..Something was terribly wrong and I knew I was right…the feeling was so wrong I wished I knew what the hell is going on…..I try to hold back my tears but I just can’t stop crying….

Dear wasn’t like this back then….somehow I felt that something had changed in our relationship lately…after I came back from Malacca….our relationship doesn’t seems to be as closed as before….it’s like there was something is blocking us somehow…..I lost al my thoughts when I reached my room….I switched off both my phones cuz I knew Dear would come straight to my home if he can’t reach me….I couldn’t do anything and I started cry and cry…..After dinner, I took my bath….there was a knock on my door and I knew Dear was here….I knew he will come…and I purposely switched off my phone so that he can come…I couldn’t stand the awful feeling I had already for the whole day….Dear was waiting for me in my room while I finished my bath….he doesn’t looked happy with his face expression….was it sad? worried or angry? Cuz I knew the one thing that he hate is me switching off the phone…..

“what’s wrong?” he asked me when I sat beside him….I shook my head and was waiting for him to say something other than asking me questions…. “why do you turned off your phone?” he asked me again….. I shook my head again…I DON’T WANT QUESTIONS~ “is there anything wrong? You seems different.” He said….I hide my face under the towel as my hair was dripping wet with water….he took the towel and wipe my hair, then took the hairdryer and helped me blow dry my hair….I still remained myself in silence…..

Dear sit in front of me so that I can face to face with him….he looked at me and asked me what is seems to be the problem….I finally opened my mouth and said “You don’t want me anymore is it?” Dear was in a long silence after that…he seem shocked and I saw it…. “You please tell me that is it true that you don’t want me anymore?” My tears fell when I said it the second time….. “You saw me in One Borneo isn’t it?” Dear asked me….WHAT?! WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH ONE BORNEO?! UNLESS…………………..

I shook my head cuz I didn’t think much that time….It didn’t even cross my mind what is making him to say that…..he was looking straight into my eyes and asked if I have seen him in One Borneo….I keep on say “no” cuz I really didn’t saw him anywhere in One Borneo…I was only there for the movie and I head straight to home after the movie….Why is he so nervous about One Borneo then? And What did that have to do with my question? I don’t get it and I stared at him cuz I want an answer….. he seems nervous and he doesn’t knew what to do nor answer me….I waited and waited for an answer from him but he avoided it and my question was left un-answered…. He asked me to close my room door cuz we have a serious problem to talk about….I don’t like this feeling at all….It scares me and things are getting worse throughout the day…..

“You want me to say?” “Baby, please don’t cry after this.” “You need to be strong in facing it.” “I want to see you become a successful person and don’t waste your precious time on me.” My tears had started to fall when he said it in clear words…I knew what he was about to say next…cuz it happened before in end of July…it’s the same old words that came out from his lips…. Lastly, he finally blurted it out “I think we should be friends back.” I knew the wordings too well and I wished I didn’t have to hear it the second time….But fate just wouldn’t lose to me…and he did said it again after that day back in July…..WHY? HAVE I DONE ANY WRONG? WHY DO WE HAVE TO END UP LIKE THIS?!WHY?I JUST WANNA KNOW WHY?

Dear only can managed to hug me tight when I started to cry…sorry I can’t promised you to not cry cuz I know my tears would never stopped falling from now on…. I can’t possibly not crying after what had just taken place….it’s cruel to the heart and my heart had scattered once again…..this time I cried even more than the last time….because this time it’s no turning back and the feeling was so hard it’s killing me from inside to outside…words can’t describe the pain until you went through it yourself….I asked him WHY over and over again but he didn’t answer me…not even a single answer was heard…. I was devastated to know the answer….IS IT BECAUSE OF MY STUPIDITY ATTITUDE?? I thought it was my problem which is causing this relationship to come to and end…but Dear just wouldn’t answer me…and I cried even more when there is no replies or answers from him…..

He try to comfort me….but the more he does the more I cry…and in the end he only manage to hug me more tight….I stopped crying once in a while…but I started crying again once I stopped….Dear doesn’t know what else he can do….and we both knew that things can’t be reversed once it had happened…..he tried to say some things to comfort me but I never felt better…..we sat and chat a while more….with tears and without tears....he try to state and give a few reasons…..until his mum called and asked him where he was….I knew he had to go…so I ask him to leave then…..he at first wanted to stay a little longer….what is the purpose of staying here with me when everything is over already? WHAT DO YOU ACTUALLY WANT FROM ME? He stand up and took his things…I opened the door and he left as I stand at the door and watched him….he gave me one last hug and a goodbye kiss before finally walking down the stairs….

I went into my room and nothing was ever the same again…I felt soooooooo empty inside and outside and the pain inside the heart was unbarable~~~~ I hug my boaster hard and hide inside my comforter….tears had started falling since I dunno when....the rain was pouring down so heavy outside....every single drops of rain that pound on my window....I felt my heart being crushed inside for every pound of it....It continue to rain while I continue to cry.....it never stops for the rest of the night….maybe even for the rest of the days to come….…..has it really come to an end? Is it really over just like that? I can't accept anything at all....Please tell me that this is just a dream.....

31/08/09 was the day we broke up; our relationship only lasted for 135 days……

Moving the office to Towering Penampang~

My office is moving!! moving to where? why is it moving?

First, we are moving to Towering penampang....why? to be together with the other distributors under Lui Kim Chock office...so that work are made easier? Erm~ I am just guessing...I don't really know the reason....lolz~ I only followed what was being told by my superior Mr.David.....
It was 24th of Aug 2009....just came back from Malacca....and now starting a brand new week...it's time to move the office....before packing, I still need to rush all the works that were unattained when i was not around....loads of paper were on my tables and I have to clear up all those important ones before I lost track of it....
25th Aug 2009 --- start to pack up all the things in the office.... Mr.David asked our two merchandisers to pack up all the things......but in the end I end up helping them...cuz they don't know anything about the documents in the boxes.....they scared they accidentally threw away some important documents....so I let them helped pack those sampling items,stationeries,their daily reports and some old junks.....while I took care of the documents part....Mr.David said that the documents need to be kept for at least 7 years...so document starting from year 2002 til today need to be packed into boxes and brought to the new office...The first moment Mr.David saw all the huge boxes that were nicely sealed in the office,he was shocked to find that there were so many things need to be moved! and the main problem we are having --- there won't be any spaces for us to store things and stuffs in the new office....as the office will be much much smaller than the one we are in currently....after one day of tired exhausting packing day....we finally finished packing everything into boxes at 3.30p.m.....Aidah and Ros left early as they were fasting for the day....we were still in Ramadhan month and the fasting period is not over yet....
28th Aug 2009....we have moved into the new office...everything was still under renovation...I wonder what is the rush to move in....new office = new paint job+new door+new system+new air-con+new lights+new room+new tiles+new kitchen and washroom~ wow!everything was new! it felt great! but the room is small! damn small we can't even fit our things in! *swt* good and bad things at the same time....Anyway, we try to unpacked everything into the room....and adjusting the tables and chairs to fit our choice....see this?Even my table size had shrink.....=="

Overall conclusion : what do I think? I prefer the old office.....cuz it's so near my house i can wake up at 7.15a.m in the morning and still be early to the office...it's just a 5 minutes drive from my house to my old office...whereas the new one? it would be a half an hour drive...that's without massive jams....argh! and my room is small!! I received mior cuts and bruises only on the first day~ because I keep banging and tripped over things acidentally.....swt ==||